Angel Raschael's Top Ten Guide
to Seducing the Clergy
My name is Raschael. I am of the First Blood of Demons, the fallen ones. Nowadays we are commonly referred to as incubi and succubae. Among my clan, I am employed as a temptress and a spy; great men and women are often at their most vulnerable when they have allowed themselves to be seduced. I deal with some degree of specialty in men and women of the cloth. So it is with great pride I give you my own Top Ten Guide to Seducing the Clergy.
1. Make Confession – Oh, the confessional booth. Is there any place more perfect for whispering deep, dark secrets and salacious little hints? The confessional provides an ideal amount of privacy, and best of all, a tailor-made excuse to talk dirty.
2. Seek Faith – "After hours", shall we say? Discover a time when the church is likeliest to be empty, and be sure to drop by... unexpectedly.
3. Offer up Your Heart – Show him your soft side, your vulnerable side... that shy, innocent, wide-eyed Catholic schoolgirl side.
4. Ask Forgiveness –. Make a subtly improper proposition—then, when chastised, very quickly take it back, and feign immediate chagrin. Oh, shame on you!
5. Where Two (or Three!) Are Gathered... – There's ample space within a church where an illicit couple might be alone: the vestry, the balcony, the choir room. Find excuse to... 'make use' of them.
6. Sing His Praises –Be sure to mention often—and in dangerous proximity to the rest of his flock—how very, very much joy he brings you. What a good, attentive priest he is... so skilled in the ways of... worship.
7. Search the Scriptures – Do you know how many naughty tales there are in the Bible? Hell, Song of Songs is a whole book devoted to erotic love. If you don't believe me, ask your priest to explain the verse, "his fruit is sweet to my taste"... then watch him turn red.
8. Receive Baptism – Think of the sight of you in that white robe, all wet, clinging to your curves... all the better if you wear nude-colored underthings, or if you're very, very devoted, nothing at all.
9. Cast Your Cares Upon The Lord – And then, cast your clothes upon the floor.
10. Call Upon the Name of God – over... and over... and over...