Today we welcome back our friend and colleague, Sheri Velarde. Sheri lives in New Mexico with her new husband and their two dogs. Being an avid reader since an early age, she has wanted to be a writer for as long as she can remember. She has been writing all her life, but only recently started to actually try to pursue her dream of writing for a living. She specializes in all things paranormal and that go bump in the night. Her heart truly lies in exploring unknown worlds or adding the supernatural to our world. If it goes bump in the night or has magical connotations, Sheri writes about it. She is constantly putting out new material with various publishers, so it is best to keep up with her on her website www.sherivelarde.weebly.com. In her spare time Sheri is an artist, jewelry designer, independent comic writer/artist and freelance non-fiction writer. Hiking in the mountains, going to live concerts, art openings, museums, and hosting intimate dinner parties.
Sheri Velarde
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Sex and Romantic Fiction
You meet someone and there is an instant attraction.
Could there be more of a connection? Something beyond the physical, something
deeper? Sure, but it’s too soon to tell and right now it’s the physical need
that is driving you and causing you to want to act. More intense feelings may
follow, but for right now your hormones are in charge.
This is something that happens in real life as well as
in romantic fiction. An instant animal attraction can change everything, for
you or for characters you are reading about. Yet there seems to be a double
standard on how men and women are viewed if they act on such an attraction. Men
are often seen as studs if they act on something physical with someone whom
they just met. Women on the other hand are often judged and labeled as “easy”
or “sluts”.
Why is that? Why is it okay for men to act on instinct
while women are considered weak somehow if they do? I am sure what you are
wondering that I am bring this up on a blog about writing, but the standards
often hold true in books as well. Characters are often judged by the same
double standards, with readers forming the same conclusions as they would in
real life.
My new release Not So Silent Night is actually a
re-edited, re-worked piece that I put out a few years ago. As I was rewriting
this story, I remembered comments made by an acquaintance back for its first
release. Keep in mind that I warned said person before buying the book that it
was erotic in nature and not her taste. Still she bought the book and then
proceeded to tell me that Anna, my female lead, was a slut and how disgusting
it was for my character to have a sexual encounter at the beginning of the
story. One woman’s opinion and certainly not mine.
So why was my protagonist called names? Because she
meets a hot stranger, feels and immediate strong attraction and chooses to act
on it. Now this is a paranormal romance so there was some magical connection at
play here, but still Anna choose to have sex with someone she just met and was
labeled by this particular reader. Hey, erotica is not for everyone, I get it.
But knowing that something is erotic, still reading it and then condemning it
is so not cool.
What is interesting is that there was no such reaction
to Alexander, the male in this equation. Apparently it was okay for him to
engage in such behavior. My question is why is that? Is it because men are
expected to act on instinct while women should be waiting for something
intellectual to recommend a lover? Is it because women tend to be more
emotional about making love that they cannot just act on their base desires?
Why is there such a double standard for sex?
As it turns out in my story, magic aside, Anna had
been lonely and seeking a connection for a long time. When someone interesting
came into her life, well she jumped at the chance to feel something for a
change. I personally do not consider someone who has not even dated for years
to be worthy of name calling just because she had sex. But why do so many other
women in particular?
To me this is systemic of larger issues about women
and sexuality in society. In American society in particular, a sexually free
and liberated woman seems to be something that is feared. I lived in Paris when
I was younger and more sexually adventurous I guess you could say, and no one
batted an eye at my behavior. Sex was not a taboo over there, it was part of
life and a part to be celebrated and explored. Not so much here in the States.
Again it makes me wonder why?
Sex is a natural part of being human, a basic need for
many of us. It is there for pleasure and not just reproduction. I can’t have
children for medical reasons but that by no means has ever lowered my sex
drive. It’s part of the human experience and should be treated as such. And
that includes all sexualities as well. As long as two, or more, people are
consenting adults and being safe why should it matter what they are doing in
the bedroom?
I ask so many questions because I truly want there to
be an open dialogue about sex in America. It should not be something considered
“dirty” or a topic not suitable for public conversations. We need to talk about
sexuality so that it eventually becomes something natural to discuss, something
that is not a taboo any longer but part of our everyday culture. We need to as
a society to stop being ashamed of sexuality and embrace it.
Please comment with your thoughts and feelings on this
subject and let’s get the dialogue going. I will check back with this blog and
reply to any and all comments, all I ask is that you keep it respectful whether
you agree or disagree. Now let’s get talking!
Author Links:
Blurb
Another lonely Christmas approaches for Anna and her life of
penance—until an otherworldly distraction appears and changes her life.
Anna is a lonely woman, running her dead grandmother's flower shop. She
hates Christmas and could not feel more lost when a handsome and mysterious
Russian, Alexander, walks into her shop and her life. Each has secrets that
they are harboring. Just as their passion erupts, the good old boys in town
threaten to ruin everything. Getting to know each other is tough for most
couples, adding in magic does not make it any easier. Now with a pack of
werewolves out to destroy them, things become intense. They find themselves in
a fight for their lives. Can their newfound love give them the strength to win
against this threat and trust in the future?
Excerpt
She had
almost finished cleaning up in back when she heard the bell on the door ring
less than five minutes before closing. "Seriously? Can't people let me get
out of here on time just one damn night?" she muttered to herself as she
stormed toward the front so she could wait on her customer and then get the
hell out of the store.
Anna whipped
around the corner in a huff, not caring if she scared the latecomer away. She
stopped in her tracks and almost forgot what had pissed her off when she saw
the customer in question. The most breathtaking back view of a man she had ever
seen stood just inside the doorway, and her brain stopped working for the
moment. Wow, who knew broad shoulders and a great rear could stop a woman in
her tracks? While she gawked like an idiot, the man turned around and proved to
be even more distracting from the front. This guy was like a wall of muscle,
perfect body attached to a very masculine and handsome face with the deepest
blue eyes Anna had ever seen.
"Sorry,
I know you are about to close, but I need a gift of flowers," he said when
he saw Anna. He had a very thick eastern European accent that she thought might
be Russian, which of course only made him hotter. She noticed his eyes taking
her in, and she couldn't help but stand a little straighter, showing her curves
off to her advantage while she absentmindedly ran her fingers through her long,
wavy, raven hair, which most men seemed to love.
It took
Anna's brain a few moments to catch up before she could speak. Her previous
anger and frustration vanished, replaced by eagerness to help this particular
customer. "No problem at all. Do you have an idea of what kind of gift you
are looking for? Is this for your girlfriend or wife?" Anna held her
breath as she waited for this mystery man to answer, a bit annoyed with herself
that she cared so much about what he might say.
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